Oops...you've landed on our  News Section

                                                                 Click the link below to go to our home Page

                                                                        http://www.loveonline.co.nz/

                                                                  and Join Now ..For Free...Meet hundreds of online singles

Making 'the talk' work for you

April 5, 2011 - 12:11PM

Comments 9

 

Feel the fire ... don't get burned. Emphasise your feelings with words, not volume.

Being emotionally engaged is not about love or loudness. It's about having a deep discussion where everyone feels heard. Things around you will go much better, whatever the situation, when you are able to talk to others without causing - or feeling - stress.

Try doing the following to improve your communication.

Advertisement: Story continues below

1. Identify your feelings. Knowing how you feel can be tricky. For example, depression manifests as anxiety 65 per cent of the time. Don't just go with your first emotional rush; stay with it for a few minutes and get in touch with what you really feel.

2. Share your true emotions. When you speak from your heart, the other person feels it and your message will get through.

3. Feel the fire, but don't get burned. If something really excites you or makes you angry, it is best to not display feelings that may make someone else uncomfortable. Share your exhilaration or ire with words, not volume.

4. Ask for a response. Sometimes people won't answer your questions or acknowledge your feelings. If they don't and you want some input, ask for it.

5. Find a safe place where you can vent. If you have negative emotions that you need to release, find a person you trust to talk with. Releasing your feelings will help you gain clarity on what the real issues are and then you can discuss them like an adult.

6. Never assume how someone else feels. If you are not absolutely sure, ask. When you know what's going on emotionally, you can tailor your conversation to make it helpful - or at least not hurtful.

7. Make the dialogue meaningful. If both of you are really getting something from talking, it's going to make this dialogue a potent one and future discussions much easier.

8. Accept that you may not feel great afterward. Not every conversation will end the way you want it to. You may not get what you want, or you may have to have another chat, and you will be sitting with some feelings that may be uncomfortable.

9. Speak how you want to be spoken to. Doing so will set the tone for the entire conversation. If you start out with an attack, you could end up in a war. If you begin with kindness and clarity, you will have a much easier time dealing with the problem.

10. If you don't get what you need, get help. If you can't make progress by yourself, bring in a third party. If you're having an issue at work, the third party can be from the office or even an outside consultant. Or if it's a personal issue, find a good counsellor. Sometimes an objective listener can guide everyone involved to a common resolution.

11. join www.loveonline.co.nz

Miscommunication is the number one reason most people don't get along. Whether it's from a lack of understanding or something misspoken, you can use your emotions to help you heal the hurt with a thoughtful conversation.

courtesy smh.com.au   www.loveonline.co.nz

Crossing the line of harassment

April 1, 2011

 

New study reveals disturbing truths about sexual harassment. Photo: Theresa Ambrose

Have you ever been sexually harassed?

I’ve often thought about this. As a sex blogger with gumption, subjects of a sexual nature fulsomely furnish my parlance. I have a small personal space bubble, so I don’t mind people close to me or standing close to others. And, while I am not a hugger – I abhor squealish, tokenistic cuddling at the office – I’m quite tactile, so I’ll often touch the arm or leg of someone I’m speaking with as a matter of course. Now, while I take pains in appropriateness, I’m aware there’s always a risk for misinterpretation. The last thing I want is to be so disrespectful of another that I behave in a way that, I may reasonably assume, will make them feel uncomfortable, awkward or harassed. I wouldn’t want that for me - I vehemently rail against abuse of any nature – so why do it unto others?

Advertisement: Story continues below

But if I am honest, there are times when I feel a little bit of what I like to call sexual botheration isn’t really so bad. This always involves men. For example. There might be one or several blokes who are all lovely, normal, ‘decent’ guys… but perhaps make comments or behave in a way that is, actually, offensive. To me. As a woman. Sexually.

They won’t be doing it deliberately. They’d probably also defend women’s rights if it came down to it. And they’d surely never, ever, really, intentionally, sexually abuse a woman. Yet in their offhand comments, the foregone conclusions they draw and their behaviour they demonstrate towards females they encounter, I get a whiff of the very same attitude that allows for the “bothersome” sexual harassment talked about in a report from Michigan.

And so, rather than yank the underwire from my bra and stab their eyes out, I deal them my own brand of “bothersome” sexual maltreatment. At best, I think me offering the same, vaguely lewd, suggestive commentary they’d fling my way without batting a masculine eyelid, they’ll be reminded of the pervasive chauvinism that continues to subtly poison western society.

At worst, I think they’ll not get my motive, but love the attention anyway. Especially if it means a blonde with ankles that aren’t half bad is making obvious comments about their appearance in front of a large group of people. Or loudly asking, at work, for a full account of their love life, only to make moral judgements in a ‘I’m just joking-not-really-maybe-a-little-bit-but-actually-I-mean-it’ kind of way.

But do I ever think that they’ll actually feel sexually harassed? That they’ll actually go home, at night and rue the day they run into me again I’ve damaged them so? No. Not really. Probably never.

More than anything, this serves to highlight hypocrisy on my part. But it also points to a double standard in the world at large.

Case in point: A study from Michigan State University.

I don’t know what’s more disturbing about this:

a) That women are so used to being sexually harassed they aren’t always distressed by it... Or.. b) That men are so not used to being sexually harassed they “may not know how to deal with it when it happens to them”.

These are the kind of gender stereotypes egalitarianism is trying to wipe out; that men are sexually strong and can’t be harassed and that women are sexually weak and can be.This falsehood needs to be altered. ( we're not sure whether many members of www.loveonline.co.nz think like this..do you?)

There are blokes out there who do feel sexually threatened. If not by women, but by other men. And yet, in the main, it’s considered a laughable notion. When it’s not. It’s a really serious issue

courtesy smh.com.au  www.loveonline.co.nz

 

Why the internet will destroy the planet

April 2, 2011

 

Illustration: Simon Letch

Idiots used to be corralled in places called pubs, in which they could bore each other with their crazy opinions while drinking themselves into alcoholic dementia but now — suddenly — they are everywhere. You can read a perfectly decent paper like The Guardian and looming at the bottom of every article is a septic tank teeming with snapping trolls.

The article in question might be anything from a think piece about the universe by Stephen Hawking to a sly piece of wit by David Mitchell, yet the trolls always have the same view: "OMG, this is such crap." That pretty much sums up the view from each witless avatar, whether it be Rastamouse16 or BigBoy8 or CrapForBrains22.

Throw in the Twitter feed, which now runs across the bottom of every TV program from Video Hits to Q&A, and you have the perfect horror — a giant party in which the most boring people in existence have you cornered.

Advertisement: Story continues below

Twitter has always felt like a bad dinner party — one in which everyone is talking and no one is listening. All the same, YouTube may be worse. Consider the hissing sack of snakes that has attached itself to Rebecca Black — the 13-year-old American girl who, with the help of her parents, has recorded a perky video in which she sings about her day-to-day suburban life.

The lyrics, it is true, are hardly Dostoevsky but they are no more or less meaningless than any pop song and the melody, damnit, is kind of appealing. A reasonable response could range anywhere from slight annoyance to mild toe-tapping pleasure. Instead, many of the YouTube trolls suggest the girl is such a bad singer she "should commit suicide". No, really.

At last count, the video had been viewed 65 million times on YouTube in the space of a few weeks.

More than a million people have logged on in order to record their ''dislike'' of the video. As I write, the comments — mostly negative — are coming in at the rate of 30 every 10 seconds. A sampling from the past 10 seconds: ''Never heard something so STUPIDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.'' ''Hata's lol dhiss suck.'' ''nobody likes you'', ''she sounds like shitt''. And ''die bitch die''. The fact that someone who is unable to spell the word ''shit'' feels entitled to hand out songwriting advice to a fellow citizen may be one of the chief marvels of our age.

It's crowd behaviour of the worst kind; YouTube hands out the pitchforks and off we all go to seize the witch.

The only upside: fame being what it is, this remarkable level of hostility will make Rebecca Black a star.

The planet may not be so lucky. It's increasingly apparent that the internet may bring about the death of human civilisation, beating out previous contenders such as nuclear holocaust and the election of George W. Bush.

The agents of this planetary death will be the climate-change deniers who, it's now clear, owe much of their existence to the internet. Would the climate-change deniers be this sure of themselves without the internet?

Somehow I doubt it. They are so damn confident.

They don't just bury their heads in the sand, they fiercely drive their own heads energetically into the nearest beachfront, their bums defiantly aquiver as they fart their toxic message to the world. How can they be so confident, in the face of so much evidence to the contrary?

It's the internet, of course, and the way it has given climate-change deniers the perfect forum — one in which groups of quite dim people can swap spurious information, reassuring each other there's no evidence on the other side, right up to the point they've derailed all efforts to save the planet. Call it ''mutually reassured destruction''.

In decades past, the climate-change deniers would have swapped theories in the pub or at a barbecue. But at the barbecue there was always one person willing to put a contrary view, to say: ''There's another side.'' And unless the barbecue was particularly nutty, there was no one handing out gestetnered sheets of dodgy science for people to take home.

The net allows the climate-change deniers to bleat about the scientists and whine about a price on carbon without fear of ever hearing a different voice, right up to the point of planetary collapse. To reformulate T.S. Eliot: ''This is the way the world will end — not with a bang but a whinger.''

While we await death, at least there's the Rebecca Black video to keep us entertained...and www.loveonline.co.nz, of course!

It's attracting more comments by the minute. In the time I've been writing this, the comments have risen from 40 to 60 every 10 seconds. By the time you read this, everyone on the planet will have presumably logged on and told this 13-year-old girl the precise manner in which she should commit suicide. Hurrah for us: it will be the first planet-wide act of bullying since the whole world mocked Kim Jong-il's haircut.

First thing tomorrow the whole internet will collapse, unable to cope with the quantity of bile pumping through the pipes. There will be a final Nigerian email pinging into your mailbox and then silence for ever.

We can but hope....courtesy smh.com.au    www.loveonline.co.nz

Wedded to a false premise

April 1, 2011

 

Social imperative to marry ... actress Katherine Heigl shows off her engagement ring.

As I approach the three-year mark with my boyfriend, Patrick, the inquiries are starting to get more persistent. "So, when is he going to propose? You've been together forever!" Though my closer friends know that I don't think I need to get married to be romantically happy, family members and casual acquaintances have no clue that every prying question only nudges me in the opposite direction. Given that I already live with Patrick and have practically adopted his dog, it seems entirely unnecessary to get married in order to prove our commitment. And given that feminism has won so many battles, it's funny that there are still plenty of people who think that marriage is mandatory.

What my busybody relatives and peers don't know is that the institution isn't very romantic at all. A mere century ago, marriages were still being arranged (or at least approved) by parents, and were based much more on practical factors and religious beliefs than on compatibility. Courtship rituals were strictly followed, and suitors' visits chaperoned by parents. For my mother and father, who migrated from China in the 1980s, marriage was about financial survival; for my peers today, it's become a symbol of love and commitment.

So, now I have the choice, why not marry for love? For one, I don't believe it's going to make my relationship more meaningful. Plenty of people my age cohabit with significant others and have partnerships that are as interwoven as marriages. My relationship ought to be satisfying whether or not it gets rubber-stamped by a government official, and marriage won't change how committed we are to each other. While I can understand the desire to engage in the social ritual of a wedding, a celebration of love can happen at any point in a relationship, and it doesn't have to take the form of a lily-white gown, nor does it necessitate a document from the state.

Advertisement: Story continues below

Another reason I don't like the idea of marriage is that it's become such a spectacle that it constitutes an entire business sector, for which flowers, chocolate and sappy Hallmark cards are just the tip of the iceberg. Ironically, one could say that feminism is responsible for the existence of the now-thriving romance industry.

Historically, Western women haven't had much say in partner selection, and until the 20th century weren't even due the same legal rights as their husbands. Modern feminism celebrates choice, and dating itself is a celebration of choice. As women have become a powerful consumer market, companies have taken notice and responded accordingly by selling the ultimate product: love.

Women not only can find the fabled "Mr Right", they can do so with an arsenal of criteria culled from dating manuals, women's magazines and romantic comedies. We look for love online, where potential partners can be filtered by convenient attributes such as hobbies and religion. The appeal of the mating game today is that there's a "one" for you out there whom you, as an independent economic and political subject, can find and pursue - with your cheque book in hand, of course. And once you do find that special someone, there are also prescribed ways of making a relationship official, or taking it to the next level (and I don't just mean on Facebook).

It isn't the everyday celebration of a relationship that I take issue with, but the commercialisation of anniversaries and Valentine's Day and the rise of bridal boot camps and "bridalplasty". There's an increasing desire to perfect what we call love and to try to quantify a potential partner's desire and affection based on the amount of money spent on a date, a ring or a wedding. You can try to fend off the inquiries into your love life, but there's still an expectation that at the end of the tunnel you'll emerge a blushing bride with bouquet in hand. While women's rights and gender equality have moved forward in many ways, there is still judgment and stigma when someone abstains from marriage. We forget how our choices (even those unavailable in our parents' era) are influenced by living in a consumerist culture.

In the age of consumption, the glorification of marriage only encourages people to think that tying the knot solves your problems, imbues your union with meaning, guarantees fidelity, offers personal fulfilment, and permanently chains your partner to your left leg. Reality check: it doesn't. A blow-out wedding is no guarantee of lasting partnership, despite what bridal magazines and reality TV competitions might suggest. ( We at www.loveonline.co.nz don't really agree with this )

Divorce rates show us that many marriages don't work, so there's nothing inherently "special" that marriage brings to a relationship, and even legal battles are not sufficient disincentives for getting out. (In my parents' case, two children and over a decade together weren't enough to prevent divorce once it was financially possible to live separate lives.) Some of us are today freer to love, but it's easy to forget that marriage is an institution not all of us are free to access - some because of financial circumstances, others because they're forbidden by law from marrying a partner of the same gender.

So why should my parents' failed relationship mean more than my happy one, simply because they were married and we're not? There are many unofficial partnerships, such as those between same-sex couples, that never get rubber-stamped and yet last a lifetime. The modern commoditisation of love doesn't do it justice, and the social imperative to marry also means that marriage is an expectation, and not much of a choice at all. To say that getting married is the only true validation of a relationship is a slap in the face of anyone who can't or doesn't want to marry. If it's a question of love, then I don't need marriage to give me what I already have.

 

courtesy smh.com.au             www.loveonline.co.nz

Good sex, bad feelings

March 31, 2011

 

Anti-climax ... sex can bring on feelings of sadness and anxiety in many women.

A third of all women have experienced post-sex blues at some point, a study shows, but researchers still don't understand why.

The period immediately after sex normally results in feelings of well-being, and mental and physical relaxation. But the study of more than 200 young women reveals many have experienced the reverse, including feelings of melancholy, anxiety and tearfulness.

Queensland University of Technology Associate Professor Robert Schweitzer, who carried out the research, said 32.9 per cent of respondents had experienced the phenomenon at some point. That was despite the sex being otherwise satisfactory.

Advertisement: Story continues below

Professor Schweitzer said the cause of such negative feelings was unknown - but it was clear women wanted more information about the phenomenon. ''Research on the prevalence and causes of post-coital dysphoria has been virtually silent but internet searches reveal information on the subject is widely sought,'' he said.

''It has generally been thought that women who have experienced sexual abuse associate later sexual encounters with the trauma of the abuse along with sensations of shame, guilt, punishment and loss.

''This association is then purported to lead to sexual problems and the avoidance of sex.''

But Professor Schweitzer said his study had found only limited correlation between sexual abuse and postcoital dysphoria.

''Psychological distress was also found to be only modestly associated with post-coital dysphoria,'' he said. ''This suggests other factors such as biological predisposition may be more important in understanding the phenomenon and identifying women at risk of experiencing post-coital dysphoria.''

The next stage of Professor Schweitzer's research will look at emotional characteristics of women who experience post-sex blues.

''I want to look at how women view their 'sense of self'. Whether they are fragile or whether they are strong women, and investigate whether this leads to their post-coital dysphoria,'' he said.

The study, published in the International Journal of Sexual Health, was co-written by Professor Schweitzer, postgraduate psychology researcher Brian Bird and the University of Utah's Professor Donald Strassberg

courtesy smh.com.au and www.loveonline.co.nz

Female porn addicts

Maureen Matthews

April 1, 2011 - 9:16AM

 

Solo sex ... is female consumption of pornography still a taboo?

Q I'm 32, female and in a great relationship. We enjoy sex, are adventurous and satisfy each other's needs. But I think I'm addicted to porn. I have no issue with my boyfriend watching it, and sometimes we'll watch it together, but now I'm accessing porn every time I get a moment to myself. I don't orgasm easily during sex but find it fun and fulfilling. However, when I watch porn (often full-on videos of girl/girl and quite degrading hetero images), I can orgasm very easily. Females watching porn is still a taboo. Is there a problem with it?

A Opinions about the use of pornography range from "It's all bad" to "It's healthy", with feminist, moral, medical and social theories abounding. Whether or not "sex addiction" even exists (outside of a tiny group of sex offenders) is still a matter for debate. Certainly, women are accessing porn more and more, especially as they can look at it in private, and I'm not sure that it is still taboo.

Melbourne sex therapist Lynda Carlyle says that your ease of orgasm while watching porn (compared with during sex) is not uncommon. When you watch porn alone you can stimulate yourself how you want, in whatever position you want, and in maximum comfort. You can focus on the desired sensations and on visual stimuli. You can watch the material that gets you off without worrying about your partner's interests, or what he might think about what you enjoy. Self-pleasuring is rarely seen as "cheating", or detracting from the core relationship, and the absence of guilt, shame and self-consciousness leads to easier, more frequent orgasms.

Advertisement: Story continues below

Often the more taboo something seems, the more sexually arousing it is, and most people slip into an objectifying frame of mind when viewing porn, not thinking about the actors as people to be considered.

During partner sex there is often not much explicit verbal communication. There can be "boring" periods because you don't say what you want when you want it. Being considerate of your partner's pleasure can be distracting from your own, or a partner may not quite "hit the spot" with stimulation, but you don't want to appear critical.

Sometimes the urge to view porn increases for some people as they get into a feedback-loop of pleasure, and it can become obsessive. That's where self-discipline comes in. Just as with junk food, alcohol, gambling or any other activity, when you feel your level of use is interfering with your life and relationships, take responsibility and moderate your use to what you find is reasonable. If you find this difficult, don't relinquish responsibility by labelling yourself an addict; rather, seek professional help.

courtesy SMH and www.loveonline.co.nz

Internet scams

The vast majority of individuals on LoveOnline.co.nz are genuine people. However, you may be aware that there are some people, known as scammers, who use the Internet to trick people into giving them money. This is typically done by gaining people's confidence and trust over a period of time and then asking for money to help the scammer's situation, possibly with the promise of some reward in return.

Thankfully, these scams are few and far between and we do our utmost to stop these scams from affecting our members. However, we would suggest that you read the advice below to help prevent becoming a victim yourself.

Signs to be aware of:

The following are examples of how scammers typically operate:

• Vague messages professing their love for you, often from their first contact, but containing no or very few questions about you and in many cases direct questions from you are rarely answered.


• Scammers will often try and push communication away from the site to an email address, MSN or Yahoo Messenger.


• Scammers are typically African, Russian or East European; or they claim to be English or American, but for some reason are currently in Africa. Our site is for New Zealanders only but sometimes they slip under the radar by posing as Kiwis !


• Bad grammar or spelling, e.g. "i am look forward to meet the right man".


• Often they claim to be working or travelling in Africa, but, following some disaster or tragedy, they cannot get back home or pay hotel bills etc. They will then ask you to send them money to help.


• Sometimes they will send you postal orders or cheques that they are unable to cash, asking you to send them the cash in return. If the cheques/postal orders are later found to be fraudulent then you're left to foot the bill.


• They may want to visit you, but need money for their flight tickets or a visa.


• They may tell you that a relation has died (Father/Uncle/Mother etc. Often this person was a dignitary or of political importance) and left a lot of money, gold or gems. They will explain that they need you to send them money so that the funds can be released. You will often be promised a percentage of the fortune, but no money will ever arrive.

The Golden Rule

NEVER send money to someone you've only ever met on the Internet, no matter what their circumstances are.

Finally

If you suspect that anyone is using the LoveOnline site to trick people into giving them money, then please email us at contact@loveonline.co.nz  

 Answering a personal ad is like standing at a date's front door waiting to make that first impression.



With the right greeting, the door will be held wide open. Screw up, and the door will be slammed in your face. So if you don't want your nose working overtime as a doorknocker, follow these tips when responding to a person's profile.



When you respond to specific details in a potential date's profile it shows that you are paying attention and that person has piqued your interest. For example, if a person describes him or herself as, "A yoga instructor looking for a flexible mate" you could respond with, "My downward dog could use a little work, but I'll bend over backwards for the right person."



Mass emails are rude and people know the difference between a response written for you and one written for you and everyone else.

Never reply all in capital letters, it's like shouting in someone's face - would you do that in person on the first date?

And unless your first name is Fonzi, don't expect much response if you send out a one liner like, "Nice pic, call me."



Good grammar and proper spelling are just as important in your response as they are in your profile. Typos make as good an impression as bad breath on the first date.



If you respond to a profile with a picture, follow up by sending a recent picture of yourself, it shows you're not afraid to reveal who you are. For tips on what make a flattering photo.See Picture Perfect



Humour is important when writing and responding to profiles. Unfortunately, sometimes wit and sarcasm can fall flat if people can't see the smile behind your words. Use emoticons so people know when you're joking and when you're flirting ;-)

If you're nervous about contacting someone for the first time, send a free smile from the site. You might get lucky, they could respond with some questions for you, making it easier to reply.



Well it shouldn't be. Just because you are communicating by email, it doesn't mean you abandon all your social skills. Talking incessantly about yourself won't get you very far in a date in the real world, and it won't do much for you in the virtual world either.

Engage the other person in a conversation. Ask about their interests, their likes and dislikes, the point of this first response is to find out a little more about this person and encourage them to do the same with you.



Would you whip out your rubber outfit the first time you met someone in the real world? Unless a person mentions their sexual preferences and fetishes in their profile, keep yours to yourself until you get to know the person better.

So there you go..some pointers as to how to email other members at LoveOnline.co.nz and stand a better chance of getting a postive response..good luck

Dating website created fake profiles

 

One thing we pride ourselves upon here at http://www.loveonline.co.nz is the fact that we vet every profile posted before it is approved to go onto the members list of profiles.

We reject quite a few that we think are too sexual or suspect but here's a story in from Australia that should put the jitters amongst the huge amount of online dating sites that DO post "dummy' profiles in order to justify their charging fees to access their member base. We are totally Free so it's not an issue for us...read on.

"The operator of Mt Hawthorn-based dating website Red Hot Pie has been ordered by the Federal Court to disclose to its users that it operated 1371 of its own profiles on the website. The Federal Court found that Jetplace created fake profiles to send "flirts" and messages to users. The court declared that Jetplace contravened the Trade Practices Act 1974 by engaging in misleading conduct and by representing that membership of the website had benefits that it did not have. The court also declared that Jetplace directors Maxwell James McGuire and Mark Semaan were aware of the offending conduct.

Jetplace has been ordered to publish a corrective notice when each user of the website who registered between December 2004 and November 26, 2008 next logs on, and to send a copy of the notice to the email address of each user. Users can also apply for refunds if they can demonstrate that they were misled by the conduct into paying for membership of the website. Australian Competition and Consumer Commission (ACCC) chairman Graeme Samuel said the website operators had a legal responsibility to ensure the information they placed on the website was accurate.

"Had this conduct occurred after the introduction of the new Australian Consumer Law, it is likely the ACCC would have sought from the court civil pecuniary penalties," he said. "Such penalties can be up to $1.1 million for companies and $220,000 for individuals." Mr McGuire said the 1371 profiles were created over a four-year period for the User Security Suite and only "a small number" of those profiles were active at any given time. "This part of the Red Hot Pie User Security Suite was voluntarily deactivated in November 2008 following the identification of the ACCC's concerns," he said."This part of the site's User Security Suite would have been of minimal inconvenience to bona fide members of the site, and most will not have been aware of its existence or its passing."

www.loveonline.co.nz AAP

 http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/steve_jobs_how_to_live_before_you_die.html

This is also a great video delivered by Steve Jobs, the world famous leader of Apple who make Ipod, Iphone, Ipad and ,of course, Apple Mac computers.

A very interesting philosophy on life in his speech to graduates at Princeton Uni. in the States...enjoy

 http://www.ted.com/talks/chip_conley_measuring_what_makes_life_worthwhile.html?utm_source=newsletter_weekly_2010-06-29&utm_campaign=newsletter_weekly&utm_medium=email

this 17 minute video by successful man , chip conley, is an interesting angle on our relentless search for happiness...

 ******DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS******if you have a sense of humour read on



40-ish.........49

Adventurous.........Slept with all your friends

Athletic.........No boobs

Average lookingUgly

Beautiful.........Pathological liar

Contagious SmileDoes a lot of pills

Emotionally secureOn medication

Feminist.........Fat

Free spirit.........Junkie

Friendship firstFormer slut

Fun.........Annoying

Gentle.........Dull

New Age......... Body hair in the wrong places

Open-minded......... Desperate

Outgoing......... Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate......... Sloppy drunk

Poet......... Depressive

Professional......... Bitch

Romantic......... Frigid

Voluptuous......... Very Fat

Large frame......... Hugely Fat

Wants Soul mateStalker

Widow......... Murderer



WOMEN'S ENGLISH



1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = you're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = you better not

8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!

10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?



MEN'S ENGLISH



1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay



And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle. For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.

However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.

courtesy www.loveonline.co.nz

Answering a personal ad is like standing at a date's front door waiting to make that first impression.

With the right greeting, the door will be held wide open. Screw up, and the door will be slammed in your face. So if you don't want your nose working overtime as a doorknocker, follow these tips when responding to a person's profile.



When you respond to specific details in a potential date's profile it shows that you are paying attention and that person has piqued your interest. For example, if a person describes him or herself as, "A yoga instructor looking for a flexible mate" you could respond with, "My downward dog could use a little work, but I'll bend over backwards for the right person."



Mass emails are rude and people know the difference between a response written for you and one written for you and everyone else. Never reply all in capital letters, it's like shouting in someone's face - would you do that in person on the first date? And unless your first name is Fonzi, don't expect much response if you send out a one liner like, "Nice pic, call me."



Good grammar and proper spelling are just as important in your response as they are in your profile. Typos make as good an impression as bad breath on the first date.



If you respond to a profile with a picture, follow up by sending a recent picture of yourself, it shows you're not afraid to reveal who you are. For tips on what make a flattering photo.

See Picture Perfect



Humour is important when writing and responding to profiles. Unfortunately, sometimes wit and sarcasm can fall flat if people can't see the smile behind your words. Use emoticons so people know when you're joking and when you're flirting ;-)

If you're nervous about contacting someone for the first time, send a free smile from the site. You might get lucky, they could respond with some questions for you, making it easier to reply.



Well it shouldn't be. Just because you are communicating by email, it doesn't mean you abandon all your social skills. Talking incessantly about yourself won't get you very far in a date in the real world, and it won't do much for you in the virtual world either. Engage the other person in a conversation. Ask about their interests, their likes and dislikes, the point of this first response is to find out a little more about this person and encourage them to do the same with you.



Would you whip out your rubber outfit the first time you met someone in the real world? Unless a person mentions their sexual preferences and fetishes in their profile, keep yours to yourself until you get to know the person better.

and make sure you tell you friends that it's all FREE here at www.loveonline.co.nz

By Jacqueline Brasfield

Flirting online is a liberating experience for many people. The anonymity of the web makes us bolder than we might be if we were meeting someone face to face. Gone are the worries about what your hair looks like or if you have spinach in your teeth.

However, it's also hard to tell just how effective you're flirting, since you can't rely of body language, eye contact or other non-verbal signals to gauge the other person's interest. And here's a chilling thought - you could be making a terrible first impression without even knowing it!

Minimise the chance of becoming a flirting failure by avoiding these common mistakes:

	Giving the wrong impression Know your intent before you flirt with someone and tailor your tone accordingly. If you're only interested in starting a friendship, don't lay it on thick. Light banter between friends is fun but make sure you're not suggesting anything deeper. You'll risk giving the wrong impression and unfairly building up the other person's expectations.
	Unloading your problems You've just met this person - don't turn them into your therapist. If you've had a bad day, wait until you're feeling better to start flirting. Call up a friend to share your tale of woe and come online once your mood has improved.
	Smothering with sleaze Most people (thankfully) wouldn't stick their tongue in someone's ear five minutes after meeting them. Sending sexually explicit messages to someone you've just met is the online equivalent. It's tacky, tasteless, and a good way to get a virtual door slammed in your face.
	Being cheesy "Hey baby, what's your sign?" works about as well online as it does in a bar. One-liners, cheesy jokes and smarmy compliments will not help you make a good first impression.
	Getting heavy It can be easy to open up to other people over the internet and sometimes inspire an artificial sense of intimacy or closeness. Always wait until you've met someone in person to check the chemistry before you announce your feelings. Calling someone your "soul mate" before you've met them could send them running.
	Spamming While you may be eager to get to know someone, sending too many messages at once could make the other person feel overwhelmed or pressured. Give them time to respond to your message before you send another one and pace yourself to avoid coming on too strong.

Dating Tips, Dating Advice and Dating Help for Online Dating

GETTING STARTED SAFELY AND SUCCESSFULLY

Online dating will be a fun, fulfilling and potentially life changing activity if you take a few precautions to ensure your safety and success. Use our online dating tips to get started safely and successfully by finding the right online dating service, setting yourself up for safe online dating and maximizing your chances of meeting your dream online date!

Computer Security

Before you start dating online, ensure your computer is 100% secure and does not put you and your information at risk. 

Password Security

Choosing a good password is essential. An easily compromised password could result in your account being hijacked and worse still, the hacker could use your details for ID theft as well. Take note of our password security tips to ensure you choose a good, well thought out password for your accounts.

Email Security

Set up a new email account for online dating that will be separate from all personal and work accounts. That way you'll keep track of online dating communication and be able to easily isolate any unwanted or inappropriate content. Make sure your real name isn't included in your email address and check that any signatures are switched off for maximum Email Security.

Choosing A Reputable Dating Service

A reputable and reliable dating service will provide you with additional safety and security. Do your research and choose a dating service that not only meets your needs but provides you with a certain amount of peace of mind as well. 

Honesty Really is the Best Policy

When wanting to portray the best possible image of yourself it’s tempting to change a few personal details such as height and weight. However it’s important to remember that while online daters will be interested in your appearance hardly anyone is looking for the next Kate Moss or Brad Pitt. The vast majority of people use online dating to find someone with similar interests and attitudes so don’t feel the need to ‘tweak’ information about your age, height, weight or occupation. Telling little white lies will only be detrimental in the long run by making you feel uncomfortable about getting to know someone or meeting them in person.

What Are You Looking For?

Be clear and confident when describing what you're looking for in a partner. The millions of people using online dating services all want to meet someone but don't want to waste their time or yours. If you're looking for particular attributes such as ethnicity, religious persuasion or an interest in sports then say so! To maximize your chances of finding that special someone through online dating make sure they know you're looking for them!

any probs.emails us at contact@loveonline.co.nz

Inside Sydney's secret nightclubs

May 21, 2010

Comments 62

Inspired by the Hamptons, Beach Haus has just opened where Barons used to be.Photo: Marco Del Grande

Want to see where the celebrities and A-listers party? Dan Kaufman pounds the pavement - and braves the door policies - to unveil Sydney's most exclusive nightclubs.

Secret passwords, hidden revolving walls and underground passages: these might sound like elements from a spy thriller but they're actually part of Sydney's members' club scene. Just when you thought bars couldn't get any harder to get into, there's a whole new level of nightlife where looking glam often isn't enough for entry. Instead, you need to be a celebrity, a friend of the owner or a serious mover and shaker - or, like us, up for a challenge. Here is the Metro's guide to Sydney's most exclusive clubs.

White Revolver

 

Secret door ... James Hudson, owner of the White Revolver. Photo: Domino Postiglione

Corner of Curlewis Street and Campbell Parade, Bondi Beach. Seewhiterevolver.com

 There's an innocent-looking wine bar on Bondi Beach calledThru the Grapevine but all is not what it seems. Look carefully and you'll notice akeyhole in one wall that, when unlocked, revolves to reveal a passageway leading underground to White Revolver, a late-night club decorated with antique furniture.  According to James Hudson, White Revolver's co-owner, membership is free but can only be obtained through personal invitation. ''A lot of people do get angry … that they can't get in but it's not about wanting to deny people; it's about wanting to create a space we want to be a part of,'' Hudson says. ''It is to ensure our core followers and guests are well looked after. For our celebrity friends, Revolver is not a place 'to be seen' - rather it is a place not to be seen. [It's] somewhere intimate where they can let their hair down without the prying eyes of the paparazzi.''

Non-members can sometimes come in but entry is at the discretion of the door host and costs $20 upwards, whereas it's free for members. I was allowed in without any problems - but the two glamazons on either side of me helped my cause.

Tatlers

169 Darlinghurst Road, Darlinghurst. See tatlers.com.au

 It's not a members' club but Tatlers is one of the hardest establishments to get into. I have spent years failing to get past its wrought-iron gates and the reason, according to the owner, is that you can only get in if you're part of a private party - and the party organiser has been vetted in person. Parties range from birthday bashes to private functions - however, Tatlers regulars can often join in. ''Once we get to know you, then there is no problem arriving at the door without notice, unless it is a unique style of party taking place,'' the owner says.

Shh!

Mansion Lane, Kings Cross. See shh-speakeasy.com

Held at the back of Le Panic, an upmarket Kings Cross club on Bayswater Road, Shh! has its own entrance at the end of a dingy back alley. There you'll find a seedy red light, a bolted door and an intercom - and if you don't have the password the owners SMS-ed you, then you're probably out of luck. Despite acquiring the owner's mobile number from an acquaintance, I still couldn't get the password. Expecting rejection, I turn up on a Saturday night anyhow and strike it lucky - there's a private party winding down, leaving the place empty. The bouncers quiz me on my intentions, look carefully at the attractive woman on my arm and finally decide to let us in if we pay $20 each.

Inside we find ourselves in a quiet and classy looking bar with a '50s Rat Pack feel, complete with curtained-off alcoves, paintings, antlers hanging from the red walls, a padded bar counter and a reality TV chef who passes us on his way out now that the party's over.

Beach Haus

5 Roslyn Street, Potts Point

 Inspired by the Hamptons (think blond wood-panelling and staff wearing '50s-style country club uniforms), Beach Haus has just opened where Barons used to be. The entrance looks like it belongs to an apartment building and members are given swipe cards to get in (membership costs aren't finalised but will be about $50 a month).

The upstairs area feels like a hotel lobby, albeit one with a DJ and cocktail bar. Instead of being dark and moody, this is relatively bright and features pastel seats, white lounges and hostesses delivering drinks on trays. For those with money to burn, a crystal ''drink vessel'' and set of platinum straws (custom-made by a jeweller for the nightclub) valued about $5000 that will soon be available for purchase. Otherwise, settle in with a giant conch-like metal cocktail cup that serves two. As for getting in: to be honest, I only managed it by talking to the publicist first.

Level 6

Level 6, 330 George Street, Sydney

 

It's hard enough to become a member of its Pool Club but now Ivy has Level 6, a more exclusive spot with a $5500 annual membership fee that's invite only. I know I won't be let in but, in the name of journalism and voyeurism, I sneak up to level 6 of the Ivy building and knock on a dark door. A man in a tux opens it and, when he realises I'm not invited, politely refuses to let me in despite my squeals. As the door closes in my face I quickly glimpse what I imagine Hugh Hefner's apartment would have looked like before he built the Playboy mansion.

I later contact Ivy, who say Level 6's members are mainly corporate types, although some celebrities (most recently Lady Gaga and George Michael) go there as well. They also say there's a strict no media - and no Metro - policy in place.

De Nom

231 Oxford Street, Darlinghurst

Designed to look like a room from the Palace of Versailles, complete with silk-tented ceilings, velvet day beds and gold gilt-edged mirrors, this was once arguably Sydney's most exclusive club. Charging $10,000 a year for membership (which includes access to a private room hidden behind a revolving bookcase), this was a common after-party locale for celebrities.

These days De Nom has wound down a little: it's only open on Friday and Saturday nights and it's no longer offering memberships, although existing members are still treated like VIPs.

www.loveonline.co.nz bringing you all the top spots..even if they are in Sydney?

Love online shopping? Two Australian online shops have exciting news

Women want nookie as much as the next bloke: online poll

EAMONN DUFF AND SARAH WHYTE

April 18, 2010

''We're both pretty similar in what we want'' … Olivia Nicolson and Chris Grady have been together for four years and admit they have a very healthy sex life.

WOMEN crave sex nearly as often as men, according to a survey that also suggests the art of seduction has vanished from modern romance. Almost 10,000 Australian men and women, aged between 25 and 45, took part in an online survey of what they think about sex.

The results, published in Men's Health and Women's Health magazines, show that when it comes to love, lust and good old-fashioned romance, the genders aren't that different. The study found that almost 33 per cent of women want sex every day, compared with 40 per cent of men. The reality isn't quite as exciting, with 25 per cent of women having sex once a week while one in five get lucky just once a month.

Olivia Nicolson, 25, an events manager, and Chris Grady, 25, a forensic officer with NSW Police, have been together for four years and have a very healthy sex life - engaging in sex three to four times a week - with both of them initiating it. ''We're both pretty similar in what we want,'' Mr Grady said. ''I probably want it a little more than Olivia, but on the whole we just really enjoy being with each other.'' Ms Nicolson said she often wanted sex every day. ''When I'm not tired from work I would say that I would want it almost every day,'' she said.

When it comes to a date most likely to put us all in the mood, a romantic dinner was favoured by a third of both sexes but according to 61.8 per cent of men and 52.4 per cent of women, there is nothing quite like a cosy night in to ignite passion. Dancing is the unanimous winner for both sexes when it comes to activities most likely to turn us on, with 65.9 per cent of women and 50 per cent of men preferring a boogie over outdoor pursuits and pub-based pastimes such as pool.

As for sex itself, the survey suggests we're all stuck in a bit of a rut. Rushed foreplay was named as the biggest issue for 37.8 per cent of women while 35 per cent of men complained women never initiate sex. More than half of both sexes said the one thing they really wanted, above all else, was to be seduced more often.

Sex therapist and clinical psychologist Janet Hall said sex was often reduced to soulless hook-ups. ''The attitude towards sex is now about the outcome, rather than the journey,'' Dr Hall said. ''People aren't making love now, they're just having sex.'' ''Girls are not telling the guys what they want and as a result the whole art of seduction is just not there any more.''

More than two-thirds of both sexes said they would be open to watching porn or engaging in sexy role play games in order to spice things up.Ms Nicolson said: ''We don't need to mix it up all that often. But we have watched some porn and I sometimes dress up in lingerie. Sometimes we like to visit www.loveonline.co.nz also " she said!'

courtesy Sydney Morning Herald

Online dating: the rules

DOMINIC KNIGHT, SUNDAY LIFE

March 22, 2010

What does it take to make RSVP's top 100?

How do those looking for love online attract hits? A photo with a big smile and plenty of flesh helps, as Dominic Knight finds out. Whether we're reading glossy magazines, listening to breakfast radio or even chatting to mates at the pub, how to make ourselves attractive to the opposite sex is a constant topic for discussion. Men are mainly interested in appearances, popular wisdom has it, so women should slap on some make-up and show a little leg. Whereas women aren't nearly as superficial; they primarily want to find nice guys, so men should open car doors and talk about their feelings.

Endless surveys in the media generally confirm these stereotypes. The UK's Daily Express recently reported that the majority of men check out a woman's cleavage before even looking her in the eye, while the author of Sex Lives of Australian Women, Joan Sauers, found in her survey that most women want guys who are good communicators and willing to help with housework.

But surveys only find out what those interviewed think they want, not what they actually go for. So, to get some more honest evidence, I turned to the place where humanity displays all its ugly honesty: the internet. After all, dating sites are almost as ubiquitous on the net these days as amusing photos of Lady Gaga. So I visited Australia's most prominent singles site, RSVP (which is owned by Fairfax Media, publisher of Sunday Life), to discover what Australians look for when they're clicking anonymously on photos of the opposite sex.

RSVP publishes a top-100 chart that lists its members who have received the most contact in the past 24 hours, and I spent a week tracking it. Given the stereotypes, I expected the list of top-ranked women to resemble a Sports Illustrated swimsuit calendar, and the male chart to be full of average-looking blokes with kind eyes and wonderful relationships with their mothers. But what I discovered was that there are five golden rules that apply equally to both sexes. Could it be that men and women are more similar than we like to think?

1) If you've got it, photograph it

Australia's obesity crisis does not exist on the RSVP charts, where buff blokes and skinny-waisted babes abound. In fact, I could only find one chubby guy, and he probably snuck in by accident. Among the males, singlet tops are popular, while some guys go shirtless, like the confident "JnrDoc", who is not only bronzed, but a doctor - a combination that's usually possible only on ER. Similarly, the photos of women suggest that flashing cleavage is a sure-fire short cut to the top 100. In some well-ranked photos, the ladies are even pictured bending forward enticingly. One member, "KCvip", was apparently photographed while picking up her dropped front door keys.

2) Smile and the web will smile with you

Almost everyone in the top 100 is grinning. Even if they spend most of their spare time weeping, the big smiles in their photos project the impression that their life is wonderful, and that anyone would be lucky to become part of it. One highly ranked member, "Tacking82", was grinning so widely that she could well have been auditioning for Alvin & the Chipmunks, which leads me to a secondary rule: have good teeth.

3) Have hair, and make it long

The vast majority of top-100 women have longer-than-shoulder-length hair, with barely a pageboy cut to be seen. That said, the division between blondes and brunettes is roughly even, putting paid to theories about what gentlemen prefer. Female tastes were clearer: recession is as unwelcome in a gentleman's hairline as it is in the economy. There were virtually no signs of thinning hair in the 18-to-30 and 28-to-40 charts, and even in the 38-to-50 bracket, only a few men had receding hairlines or even signs of greyness. There were a few shaved heads, which may mean ladies now associate that look with jolly chocolate-maker Max Brenner rather than Lex Luthor.

4) Choose an intriguing handle

On internet dating sites, only the foolhardy use their real names. The members of the top 100 have generally adopted monikers that make them stand out from the crowd, such as "Heythereoverhere" and "timeforsumfun1", or are witty, like "iOpenJars" and "BudgieStruggler". Note that, unlike most other rules, the intriguing handle one is not followed slavishly: it's apparently okay to have an arrogant nickname if you're as model-handsome as "GreekSensations"...(you want to see some we get at www.loveonline.co.nz ?)

5) Have a drink in your hand

As blokes can tell you, it's never been a crime to like a drink and many of RSVP's most popular members have pictured themselves holding a beverage to display their Beastie Boys-like commitment to partying. Glasses of champagne are popular with the ladies (although "Youwanttokissme" is holding a huge mug of beer). For the men, a wine glass is a classy option, but some RSVP hotties are even shown clutching a good old-fashioned tinnie.

Everything I saw on RSVP suggests that when it comes to finding love, women put just as much of a premium on the physical appearance of their potential partners as any FHM-reading male. And while this news may distress those of us with non-buff bodies, short hair, and an aversion to drinking, it should really be cause for celebration. While we may seem equally fixated on the physical, at least there is now one area in which men and women have achieved genuine equality.  www.loveonline.co.nz

How to work when you're tired

ALI HALE, FORBES.COM

March 9, 2010

Comments 1

Coping with little sleep ... There are strategies you can put in place to get through the working day.

All the tools you need to stay focused throughout the day. Up late last night? Couldn't get to sleep, or woke up just to stare at the ceiling for hours in the middle of the night? Or are you just plain tired?

We all have days when we just don't feel energetic and with it. But when you've got work to do-whether in your job, building your own business or around the house-you can't simply go back to bed. You need to stay alert, make the most of your day and avoid getting distracted or making silly mistakes.

Here's how to work when you're tired: Be clear about what you want to accomplish

It's always a good idea to have a clear goal in mind, but especially when you're feeling tired or otherwise sub-par. Sit down and think about what you need to get done today. If you're working on a big project, what exactly are you going to get done? The next chapter? That section with the statistics you need to look up? Even if you're spring cleaning, don't just do whatever catches your eye-make a plan. It's very easy to start meandering into lots of unrelated tasks, if you don't have a clear focus on what you want to accomplish. I'm sure you've had days where you've looked back and wondered where your time went-well, this is how to make sure you spend your time on something worthwhile.

Get ruthless about distractions

Again, this is always good advice-but when you're tired, it counts double. Stay out of your email, don't log into Facebook and don't keep taking breaks from the task at hand. It's easy to get distracted when you're not focusing well, and falling prey to diversions only makes it harder to concentrate. You know what it's like to "just check Facebook" and spend the next hour looking at your cousin's holidays snaps. Every time your attention wanders, direct it straight back to what you're supposed to be working on.

Drink plenty of water

Dehydration saps your concentration, so make sure you're sipping water regularly when you're tired. Although caffeine can supply a temporary boost of energy, try to go easy on the coffee: you'll only crash otherwise. Ditto for sugary sodas. I like to keep a bottle of water on my desk, within easy reach: because it's next to me, it's easy to remember to drink from it. And because the bottle has a screw cap, there's no chance I'll accidentally tip it into my computer's keyboard.

Keep moving around

If you're feeling sleepy, the worst thing to do is to sit down somewhere warm and comfy-you'll almost certainly nod off! Instead, make sure you move around frequently: get up and stretch, go for a brisk walk, get your body temperature up a bit. This is an especially good idea if you get that mid-afternoon slump: walking around will shake it off.

Take a shower

Getting into a shower will really wake you up when you're feeling sluggish. If you're struggling to even get out of bed, head straight for the shower. As soon as you're under that running water, you'll feel considerably more alive. If you work from home, a mid-afternoon shower can be a great pick-me-up when you're tired. If you're in an office, splashing your face with cold water is a good refreshing alternative.

Perform easier tasks

If you're feeling really tired but you still need to get some work done, try doing your more routine tasks: things like replying to emails, filing documents, making minor website updates and so on. Often, your energy will naturally pick back up while you work.

Ali Hale is a London-based professional blogger and post-graduate student of creative writing. This column originally appeared on the blog, Dumb Little Man.  www.loveonline.co.nz

Wine good for waistline

March 9, 2010 - 1:35PM Sydney Morning Herald

Comments 4

Waist away ... moderate red wine consumption found to be slimming.

Light to moderate alcohol consumption, especially red wine, is not only good for a woman's heart, it's also good for her waistline, according to a study reported Monday. The study started out with nearly 20,000 trim middle-aged and older women. Over time, women who drank alcohol in moderation put on less weight and were less apt to become overweight compared to non-drinkers. This was true even after taking into account various lifestyle and dietary factors that might influence a woman's weight.

Red wine seemed best at keeping weight in check, but white wine, beer and spirits also had some benefit. "Our study results showed that middle-aged and older women who have normal body weight initially and consume light-to-moderate amount of alcohol could maintain their drinking habits without gaining more weight compared with similar women who did not drink any alcohol," Dr Lu Wang from the division of preventive medicine, Brigham and Women's Hospital, Boston, noted in an email to Reuters Health. Many prior studies have suggested that moderate drinking - usually defined as a drink or two a day --can be a healthy habit, particularly with regard to heart health, while heavy drinking can harm health.

The new study, published in the latest issue of Archives of Internal Medicine, is the first to examine ties between alcohol consumption by a normal-weight individual and the risk of becoming overweight or obese. The women were all at least 39 years old when the study began. About 38 per cent said they did not drink alcohol; 33 per cent said they drank less than 5 grams daily (a standard drink has about 10 grams of alcohol); 20 per cent drank 5 to less than 15 grams daily; 6 per cent drank 15 to less than 30 grams daily; and 3 per cent downed 30 grams of alcohol or more daily (about 2 to 3 drinks per day or more). Over an average of about 13 years, the women generally gained weight. However, the teetotalers gained the most weight, with weight gain decreasing with increasing amount of alcohol consumed.

Women who did not drink gained an average of 3.63 kilograms compared with 1.55 kilograms for those who consumed 30 grams of alcohol or more each day. During the 13 years the initially normal-weight women were followed, 41 per cent became overweight or obese. Women who drank 15 to less than 30 grams per day had the lowest risk of becoming overweight or obese, which was 30 per cent less than that of non-drinkers.

Put another way, Wang said an initially trim woman who did not drink alcohol had about a 43 per cent chance of becoming overweight or obese over 13 years. Her risk fell to 33 percent if she drank 15 to 30 grams of alcohol a day. Women who drank higher amounts of alcohol were generally more physically active, weighed slightly less at the outset and were more apt to be smokers, than other women. However, the association between drinking and less weight gain and risk of becoming overweight or obese remained strong after accounting for these factors. This suggests that alcohol may independently affect body weight beyond its relationship with diet and lifestyle factors.

There are several reasons why alcohol might help women stay trim, Wang told Reuters Health. In the current study, women consuming more alcohol ate less, particularly carbohydrates - a finding seen in other studies. Moreover, it's been shown that women tend to expend more energy after drinking alcohol - more so than that contained in the alcohol. "Taken together, regular alcohol consumption in light-to-moderate amount may lead to a net energy loss among women," Wang said.

Reuters     www.loveonline.co.nz

Jobs market booming - now for the bad news

PETER MARTIN  Sydney Morning Herald

March 10, 2010

AUSTRALIA'S jobs market has turned white hot, with newspaper job ads being placed at a rate not seen since the onset of the financial crisis and as many as one in five employers planning to take on staff as business confidence climbs to an eight-year high.But the flipside is that Australian home owners face steep interest rate rises this year, the chief economist at ANZ, Warren Hogan, has warned.

ANZ says job advertisements are being placed in The Sydney Morning Herald and Daily Telegraph at a rate approaching 3000 a week, numbers not seen since the dying days of the mining boom in November 2008. ''Don't get me wrong, it's a good problem to have, but it is actually dangerous to have the jobs market rebounding so quickly,'' Mr Hogan warned.

A near-record extra 207,300 jobs have been created since June at a rate approaching 1000 per day, pushing the unemployment rate down from its peak of 5.8 per cent to 5.3 per cent. Mr Hogan says the February figures, to be released tomorrow, should add a further 30,000 jobs, continuing the blistering pace of about 1000 new jobs a day. Mr Hogan is worried the surge of employment offers will push up wage offers and inflation. ''We are beginning this upturn with inflation at the top of the Reserve Bank's target band rather than the bottom, as would be typical,'' he said. ''If you wait for the official figures to tell you you've got an inflation problem, you have already missed it. That's what the Reserve Bank did last time around. They won't make that mistake this time, and that's why we could see much higher interest rates by the end of the year.''

The National Australia Bank, whose survey yesterday showed business confidence hitting its highest point since May 2002, is forecasting an unemployment rate of 4.75 per cent by end of the year and close to 4.25 per cent by late 2011. It found one in five employers are planning to hire in the months ahead and only one in every seven planning to cut back. So fast does Mr Hogan expect employment to grow that he believes the budget could be back in surplus within two years. ''We haven't done the final numbers but this year's budget deficit could be down to $30 billion, rather than the $46 billion official forecast. Next year it could be close to a balanced budget. In fact, we can see surplus in 2011-12 quite easily.

''That's because conditions will start well ahead of what was expected. The unemployment rate will have a five in front of it rather than the eight originally forecast and corporate profits will do far better than expected, especially in the banking and resources sectors. ''The really big growth in job ads is in Australia's central-west: South Australia, the Northern Territory and Western Australia. Things are good everywhere, but it's the big resource projects in the west that are sucking up workers and will drive economic growth,'' Mr Hogan said.

Although the ANZ index does not record the type of jobs that are advertised, the competing Olivier internet index, now known as the Advantage Index, finds big growth in the eastern states in accounting, administrative, legal and information technology jobs. ''Newspaper ads are a more reliable indicator than ads on the internet because people have to pay for them, or at least the cost is higher,'' Mr Hogan explained.

ANZ's measure of internet job advertisements has risen 25 per cent since June      www.loveonline.co.nz

High Voltage Rock'n'roller

An old Toyota helped Brian Johnson land his gig with AC/DC and he now keeps a stable of superb cars.

Brian Johnson is in his Sydney hotel trying to decide on his next supercar. The AC/DC lead singer is a car nut. But he’s clearly not a member of the more-money-than-sense club. Back in Florida where he lives, he has a garage full of cars, each carefully, if somewhat randomly, chosen. There is a twin-engined Vespa car, a 1928 4.5 litre Bentley, race cars which he pilots with aplomb, an Audi R8 and a Citroen DS23 Pallas – possibly the most beautiful car ever made. There’s also a giant black Rolls-Royce Phantom of the kind that graces the cover of his recently released automotive autobiography Rockers and Rollers.

“I am after something really … special,” he says as he flicks through a glossy American luxury car magazine looking for inspiration. “The Ferrari 458 is pretty. I like the new Merc SLS [Gullwing] too.”

Click for more photos

Top gear ... Brian Johnson in the Rolls-Royce Drophead Coupe, which he drove for a film of his travels.

• 


• 


• 


• 


• 


• 


• 


• 


• 


• 


• 


• 


• 

While

 

Johnson has enjoyed international stardom for the past 30 years grace of his involvement with one of the most successful rock bands of all time, his love of cars has recently earned him his own place in the spotlight.

After an appearance on the BBC’s Top Gear last year in which he revealed his long association with all things automotive, he found his legion of fans expanding outside the traditional AC/DC base. “Jeremy [Clarkson, Top Gear host] and the boys were fans of the band and their producer called up one of our guys to get some tickets for a gig,’’ he says. ‘‘They came back stage and we were talking and Jeremy literally just asked me if I’d fancy going on Top Gear. I said I’d kill to get on Top Gear. It’s me favourite show.”

As with all guests, Brian lapped the track in a cheap family saloon. But with some serious race experience under his belt (he competes in a sports car series in America),  he blew the doors off the car and the top off the celebrity lap time board. “I had a ball,” he says later as he sits behind the wheel of a Rolls-Royce Drophead Coupe for a driving tour of Sydney. “Honestly, I didn’t think I’d come anywhere near the top and to get ‘the fastest man of 2009’ award was just icing on the cake for me.’’

Not that the reward for taking the top honour was that impressive. ‘‘It must have been the cheapest trophy in the shop,’’ he says. ‘‘They spelt me name wrong and there was an ice hockey player on the top. It was awful. So when I was speaking to the guys, I said, ‘I’ve got a special place to keep this forever and that’s in the loft.’ No really, I unashamedly have it on my pub bar at home. It has pride of place, and it’s so awful that it’s brilliant!” Frustratingly for someone who loves driving, Johnson’s lifestyle and touring commitments mean he can go weeks or even months without getting behind the wheel. Transport to gigs usually comes in the form of a police-escorted convoy. “But if I had to drive the band to a gig, it would be in a Rolls,”  he says. “Imagine driving this on the road to Perth across the desert. The boys had an old tour bus in the early days and it took forever to get there and the sun was always in your eyes and the heat and that’s where [former lead singer Bon Scott] came up with the words to Highway to Hell. Little bit of Australian history and AC/DC history there for you…”

As well as his concert commitments, Johnson is using his visit to Australia to make a three-part film on his travels. The project sees him drive in three countries. In Sydney he cruises through the city to Bondi Beach, in the UK across the north of England, and in the US through the Deep South. “Why we picked this drive to Bondi and around Sydney is because the city is just so beautiful and it is the birthplace of the band,’’ he says. ‘‘The sights and scenery that you have here. And you’re right in the middle of one of the biggest cities in the world so it might strike people as strange, but bollocks – that’s what I like.”

Johnson tillers the Rolls from the Park Hyatt hotel round under the Harbour Bridge. Tourists making the Bridge Climb spot the car, then the star, and holler down. Johnson is not the only star beneath the bridge. Fellow car nut Ronan Keating is out making his own film. The two singers and their entourages have an impromptu pow wow. Keating wants to know how come he is walking and why Johnson is in a Rolls. “For years and years I never bought one because people might think I’m showing off,’’ he says. ‘‘Then I thought, ‘Do I want to be sat on my deathbed thinking that the one thing I wanted to do in life was buy a Rolls-Royce but I didn’t because I was afraid I’d look like a prat?’ Bollocks! These cars are great and if you win the lottery, buy one.”

Johnson says a car also played a part in him landing the gig with AC/DC after the death of Scott. Called up for an audition, he had no way of getting to London from Newcastle until a friend lent him a chocolate brown Toyota for the journey. Despite a puncture on route, and a surprising choice of Ike and Tina Turner’s Nutbush City Limits as his audition, Johnson got the gig. “The car got me the job,” he laughs.

Then, when his first pay cheque came in, it’s no surprise he spent it on a car. His first new car after years of secondhand models.“The cheque was for $30,000 – my house wasn’t worth that.  It was crazy.  I went out and bought the daftest thing. A Chevy Blazer.  I loved it.  It was big. The only thing like it was the Range Rover. It was black and white...the same as Newcastle United’s colours.”

courtesy Sydney Morning Herald

Going to the limit

OWEN THOMSON

February 12, 2010

Andy Green on the body of the Thrust SSC car. Photo: AP

Not content with holding the world land speed record, Andy Green has a new goal. Be honest now. We all know the very real dangers of speeding but chances are at some stage in your life you've found yourself on a quiet, desolate country road and planted the accelerator to the floor. As the speedo crept up and the wind whistled past, it felt just for a second like you were riding a rocket, right? Well, imagine how it feels to be Andy Green.

The Briton is the current land speed record holder, a title he earned by steering a jet-powered lump of metal through the Nevada desert at speeds 10 times the freeway average. His 1997 achievement was to hit just under 1228km/h, so becoming the first person to break the sound barrier on land. As if breaking the record once in his life was not enough, Green now hopes to top that achievement by going not one hundred, not two hundred but 382km/h faster. In an effort scheduled for 2011, he aims to break the 1000mph mark, achieving a speed of 1609km/h. "There's no point in us going slightly faster than last time," he says. "We hold the record and it's arguably still the most impressive ever because it was the one that proved you could go supersonic. "What we're trying to do is push the boundaries of technology to explore what's possible."

So how does one become the fastest man on the planet?

For Green, it helped having a background as a pilot. He graduated from Worcester College, Oxford, with first-class honours in mathematics in 1983 and then began full-time flight training with the RAF. He qualified as a fighter pilot on F-4 Phantoms and F3 Tornadoes. He applied for a role with the Thrust SSC team - who were chasing the land-speed record - after reading a newspaper article in 1994.

"These guys were looking to recruit somebody to drive a twin-jet, supersonic, 10-tonne vehicle, which is outside anybody's normal experience. Where are you going to find somebody qualified to do that? And I'm actually sitting there, on a fast-jet base, with twin-jet supersonic fighters sitting outside. I thought: 'Actually, if I'm not qualified to do that, who would be?' I got picked as the driver in '95 and it's been life-changing since." Despite the risks, Green says breaking the land-speed record was probably more fraught for his crew than himself. "Doing anything for the first time ever has to have a certain area of uncertainty," he says. "And when it's going supersonic on land, a lot of world experts said: 'No one will ever survive, someone's going to get killed but you can try.' "There was a degree of psychological challenge in overcoming that. But as curious as it might sound, if it all goes horribly wrong the driver actually doesn't have to live with the consequences. Real long-term courage has to come from the team."

Green says he recalls the record-breaking ride vividly. "Being strapped in a small cockpit, you sort of have a sense that the car is an extension of yourself," he says. "There's an awful lot of noise but curiously not from the jets in Thrust SSC. Most of the noise came out of the front at slow speed and at the back at high speed. Then, of course, as we started to go supersonic, as the shock wave formed over the cockpit, it transmitted the sound into the cockpit and the noise levels were very, very high. "You really do have the impression you're going at an unimaginable speed. Until you've seen it, you cannot imagine how fast the land is going past."

For Green to crack the 1000mph mark, he is pinning his hopes on the Bloodhound SSC - a new 12.8-metre-long, pencil-shaped, rocket- and jet-powered vehicle. He hopes the endeavour will inspire future mathematicians and physicists. "[The idea is] to get kids all over this country and indeed all over the world - because that's what the internet offers now - involved in the science and the technology," he says. "It's difficult to make science and technology sexy in schools nowadays and we're trying to produce a project that will do that."

So given his experience of high speed, is Green more or less likely to put his foot down on the road? He says he drives slower these days. "It doesn't matter whether you drive at 50km/h or 100km/h - when you've done 1200km/h it still feels slow," he says. "In the real world there's a whole bunch of hazards you have to deal with, so it would be stupid to get killed in a 50km/h accident because I was going too fast, or indeed get stopped by the police. And I've met a whole bunch of police [since the record] who have said: 'It'd be great to stop you and give you a ticket."'

Race is on to starting line

Andy Green will have to beat an Aussie challenge if he wants to take the 1000mph record. Perth man Rosco McGlashan (below) is also preparing a vehicle to break the record, a seven-metre steel missile on wheels called the Aussie Invader 5R, which is powered by four rocket thrusters. He hopes it can accelerate from a standing start to 1000mph (1609km/h) in just 20 seconds. The race is now on to see which car will be ready to roll first and break the record. "Our car is beautifully simple," McGlashan says. "Theirs is obviously a nightmare, with three different engines on it." www.loveonline.co.nz

 Aussie relationships psychologist John Aiken says in his latest book titled Accidentally Single, that there are indeed 15 reasons as to why so many of us are still single ...

1. You're only attracted to unavailable types.This seems to be an issue of contention with many women across the globe and, while it seems the norm to date a rake, cad or bad boy who refuses to meet your mates, let alone hold your handbag, it angers me to see so many gorgeous, intelligent women hankering after men who either have a girlfriend, are in serious relationships or are married! Seriously, if you're going to bonk a guy who is doing the dirty on his partner, what makes you think that he is not going to do the same to you? In addition to that, women are increasing gravitating to emotionally unavailable men. But that's not the only problem. Aitken says that women are going for men who are "too young or too old; travel all the time or work too much; party too hard" or more commonly, "they're only interested in sex". And even if he's telling you he loves you while bonking you senseless, we all know by now that sex does NOT equate to love, or even a second date.

 The Days of any CV will do, are gone !

courtesy Sydney Morning herald  Write a killer CV

Say cheese 

Putting a photograph of yourself on your CV is one of the bells and whistles that Little thinks is worthwhile. With a photo CV, a candidate becomes a person, not just words on paper. It also adds a type of graphic icon, he says. "I've sat on government recruitment panels and the number of times people refer to 'That one, or those two with the photo' is amazing. People remember a photo."

Buzz words 

After resumes are entered into a recruiter's database, they are usually revisited using a keyword search. If a job specifies auditing, this will be entered into the database and all CVs that contain the word will be listed. Little says you should scan job ads in your sector and see what sort of terminology recruiters are using. Then find ways to incorporate the buzz words into your resume. But what if you don't have relevant industry experience to draw this jargon from? "If you're an accounting graduate, you get the jargon, such as management accounting and auditing, in by making sure your [university] subjects are listed." Another tactic is to put down your planned studies, such as a bachelor of law degree, starting 2007. "This will at least help you rise to the top in a database search," he says.

Covered with care 

When it comes to a cover letter for your CV, the trick is to tailor the letter to the employer and the job. "Generic cover letters are no more use than writing your resume on a scrap piece of paper. Large organisations spend millions on their reputation. They want to attract the best quality customers, suppliers and staff. So tell them why you want to work for them," Little says. "Talk about [your] similar values and their mission statement. All this is easy to find out these days - just do your research. Then, if you like the sound of them, tell them. This almost invariably results in an interview."

How to get started 

"The first 10 seconds of someone picking up your resume is critical," Little says. He gives these tips for success:

• Think about what your CV says, how easy it is to read and the order you put it in.


• Be dynamic in how you present your work history and skills.


• Use positive language about yourself.


• Make sure there's a well-designed front page.


• Put a photograph of yourself on the first page of your resume.


• Put your name in colour


• Present it in a good quality binder.


• Remember, you get only one chance to make a good impression.


• www.loveonline.co.nz

Be nice and tell her she's dreaming February 2, 2010

Comments 5

To keep me quiet as a child, my parents fed me a diet of Disney movies. These beautifully animated stories taught me a lot about life: that it's possible to live completely platonically with seven single, short men; that a really nice guy can be completely covered in beastly hair; and that spaghetti can be eaten from both ends with romantic results. And that, if you wait, true love will come along and you'll live happily ever after.

Of course, in Disney fairy tales, the hero and heroine have to experience all kinds of difficulties before they finally get together. So, when at 17 I started to experience strange and horrible symptoms (racing heart, anxiety), I knew exactly how to diagnose the problem: I had fallen in love. The fact that the object of my desire had no idea of my feelings didn't worry me. I knew that to snare the guy, all I had to do was wait for him to overcome his many obstacles. I employed all the tricks of modern romance: late-night instant messaging (with plenty of emoticons), turning up unexpectedly wherever he was and being witty and charming at all times. But unlike the stories of Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and The Little Mermaid, my love story did not have a fairytale ending. I had fallen in love unilaterally, and the man of my dreams was certainly not dreaming of me.

In my love-crazed mind, the fact he hadn't said anything meant he just hadn't realised the depth of my feelings. I developed the need to know exactly where he was at all times, and stalked him over the internet. It got much worse when I realised his friends all knew and were laughing at me. I knew I had to do something, but getting over unrequited love is not easy. Even buying the book He's Just Not That Into You didn't help. The grieving process took years.

But when the same thing happened to a friend, I knew I had to tell her the truth: that like mine, her misplaced love was unreciprocated. Even though it was obvious to everyone around her, the guy had no idea he had any responsibility to talk to her about her feelings. He was too busy flirting with other girls to realise the damage he was causing.

So, men of Australia: when it comes to unrequited love, you need to man up. If there's a girl who wants you so badly she'll consider stalking you, and you know you're not the man for her, then tell her. It may bring short-term pain, but will spare her from years of heartache.

Michelle John courtesy Sydney Morning Herald 

www.loveonline.co.nz

Cougar hot spots prove happy hunting grounds

CAROLINE MARCUS

January 31, 2010

Having fun ... Laetitia Elfassy, 35, (left) and Tali Jatali, 43, at the Sugarmill bar in Kings Cross. Photo: Jacky Ghossein

The so-called cougar phenomenon - older women who seek younger partners - is growing. Figures show the trend has increased in Australia due to an oversupply of single women aged 40 to 54 compared with men in the same age bracket.

There were 568,000 women aged 40-54 who were not married or in a de facto relationship, representing more than a quarter (27 per cent) of that age group, according to the 2006 census. The number of single men in the same age range was just 479,000, or 24 per cent of that population. In 1986 there were 234,000 single women aged 40-54, representing almost one in five of the age group (19 per cent).

One Sydney bar is cashing in on the growing number of older single women by hosting a ''Cougar Hunting'' night on Valentine's Day for older female patrons to meet younger men. Demographer Bernard Salt singled out Elizabeth Bay as a ''hot spot'' for cougars in Sydney, with 68 per cent of women aged 40-54 living in the suburb identifying as single. ''It is the antithesis of the 'burbs, which is probably where these women spent their 20s and their 30s childbearing and rearing,'' he said.

Mr Salt said cougars were a product of female empowerment over the past 20 years. ''These women are educated, they are successful in life and work and they are not afraid or shamed to be single as I think was the case, unfortunately, for men and women in the 1980s and earlier. ''There are not enough single men to go around is the point and I think that's the reason why we have had this phenomenon evolve. Women are taking a leaf out of the men's book and considering partners in the older … and younger demographic.''

The group marketing manager for Keystone Hospitality, Ted Helliar, said the trend had inspired the cougar evening planned for the Sugarmill bar in Kings Cross on February 14. He said many women had already inquired about the event despite it not having been publicised. Organisers expect to attract up to 200 guests.

Matchmaking service Fast Impressions has been running its Toy Boy speed-dating nights since 2006 for men aged 25-35 and women aged 45-55. They have become their most successful functions, said event manager Carolyn Clydesdale. ''Usually, the match rate for speed dating is 80 to 90 per cent of people in attendance, but our Toy Boy rate is 90 to 95 per cent. It's amazing.''

Fashion designer Tali Jatali's last boyfriend was 11 years her junior, but was ''more serious'' than she was. ''Older guys are boring and they're going bald and have got a lot of baggage,'' said the 43-year-old from Bondi. ''If you want to get married and have seven kids, then go for an older guy.'' Laetitia Elfassy, a 35-year-old business development manager, also from Bondi, has a pattern of dating younger men. Her boyfriend Pete, who is five years younger, is ''one of the oldest I've been with for a long time'', she said.

''I don't get along with guys my age. A younger man makes you feel like you're 20 all the time. They have a lot of energy … that just says it all, right?''

courtesy Sydney Morning Herald  www.loveonline.co.nz

Stop looking for Mr Right and marry Mr Good Enough

AMY WILLIS IN LONDON

January 26, 2010 - 2:10PM

Comments 18

Are women's expectations being raised by television shows like "Friends"?

Women who have failed to find their perfect partner by the age of 30 should give up their search for Mr Right and settle instead for Mr Right Now, an American author has claimed. Older, single women often deny themselves any chance of finding happiness by failing to downgrade their expectations, says author Lori Gottlieb.

Women are being fooled by happily-ever-after films, television programmes and books - from Friends to Jane Austen novels - into believing marriage is about finding The One. Instead, she argues, women should be realistic and understand that marriage is not a "passion-fest" but instead a "partnership formed to run a very small, mundane and often boring non-profit business". Gottlieb also claims women's search for Mr Right could leave them unhappy and alone in the long-term as they shun perfectly good partners.

The subject has already inspired interest in Hollywood after her new book Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr Good Enoughwas tipped for a movie deal. Gottlieb, a 40-year-old single mother, wrote from her own experiences, saying she wished she had settled for Mr Second Best. She said: "My dream, like that of my mother and her mother, was to fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. "We grew up idealising marriage, but if we'd had a more realistic understanding of its cold, hard benefits, we might have done things differently. So we walked away from uninspiring relationships that might have made us happy."

She added: "Every woman I know - no matter how successful and ambitious, how financially and emotionally secure - feels panic, occasionally coupled with desperation, if she hits 30 and finds herself unmarried. But marrying Mr Good Enough might be equally viable, especially if you're looking for a reliable life companion." Gottlieb also warned: "What makes for a good marriage isn't necessarily what makes for a good romantic relationship."

But Prof Cary Cooper, a psychologist at Lancaster University, said women unable to find their dream man should not see themselves as settling for second best. He said: "No man or woman has all the characteristics you would look for; it would be a miracle to find your number one. "You have to find somebody with as many good characteristics as possible. The main problem is that many people haven't worked out what those characteristics are. People need to sit down and work out what they want and then go looking for someone who at least ticks some of your top priorities."

Prof Cooper also said: "I sometimes wonder if women who say they are waiting to find Mr Right, are actually just avoiding a relationship or committing to a relationship. Finding someone should not be so complicated."

The London Daily Telegraph courtesy Sydney morning Herald   www.loveonline.co.nz

Any lingering stigma about finding true love online seems to be fading, particularly among older adults, researchers found.      

In a study of 175 newlywed couples scientists at Iowa State University said those who met through online dating agencies, or social networking sites, tended to be older than other couples who met through traditional ways offline.      

They were also less likely to be marrying for the first time and had shorter courtships before tying the knot - 18.5 months instead of 42 months. 

    

"In many cases, there are real structural forces that encourage the support and use of these technologies," said Alicia Cast, an associate professor of sociology at the university.     

"And one of them is just structural constraints on people's time - such as people who have kids, or have full-time jobs, or work long or extensive hours," she added in a statement. 

    

But the online spouses were as attractive, intelligent and had the same self-esteem levels of the offline couples.     

Online dating agencies have gained in popularity and acceptability. A recent survey by Forbes.com that named New York as the best US city for singles found it achieved the No 1 position because it has more people with active online dating accounts than any other city in the country. 

    

US-based eHarmony, which launched in the United States in 2000, claims an average of 236 of its members marry every day in the United States as a result of being matched on the site.    

eHarmony is also available in Canada, Australia and Britain. 

    

Cast and her graduate assistant Jamie McCartney studied data on the couples over a three-year period. Twenty five couples in the study had met online.   

"My understanding is that there are very few studies that have been able to simultaneously get access to a source of couples who met through more conventional means, along with those who choose to meet people online," said Cast.

Home alone: mainly male, middle aged and struggling

ADELE HORIN

January 11, 2010

FROM sad-sack widows to young and sexy city dwellers, the image of people who live alone has flip-flopped over the years. But new data shows the face of the solo householder is increasingly middle aged and male.

Men in their 40s and 50s are the fastest growing part of Australia's living-alone population due to more never having married, and many more getting divorced but not living with their children. And unlike the elderly widows, the sexy young things, and the middle-aged women living alone, many of the men are struggling.

An analysis of data from the 2006 census by David de Vaus and Sue Richardson shows a huge increase since 1986 in the proportions and numbers of Australians living alone. Most of those interviewed as part of a related La Trobe University project said they enjoyed solo living, although they hoped it would be transitional. About 2 million people lived alone in 2006 or 13 per cent of the population aged over 20 compared with 9.3 per cent two decades earlier.

''The growth is not where people would have thought it to be,'' said Professor de Vaus, executive dean of the faculty of social and behavioural sciences at the University of Queensland. ''A lot of people think it's elderly people but the growth is among the middle aged, and middle-aged men in particular.'' The proportion of people aged 40 to 49 who live on their own has risen 75 per cent from 5.2 per cent to 9.1 per cent. People in their 40s are now more likely to live alone than those in their 20s or 30s.

There is also big growth in solo living among those aged 50 to 59. The analysis, Living Alone in Australia, shows that for people under 60 living alone is mainly a male phenomenon, and the men have become older. ''This is not because young men had become less inclined to live alone but because men in their 40s and 50s were becoming more likely to live alone,'' the paper says. Professor de Vaus and Professor Richardson, from Flinders University, said the middle-aged men were on average less well-off, less educated and in lower-status jobs compared with middle-aged women living alone, or other men.

They also tended to say they were lonely. ''They are considerably more socially disadvantaged,'' Professor de Vaus said. ''It might be they find it harder to partner, or re-partner.'' The research also shows that people in their 60s and 70s are becoming less likely to live on their own because husbands are living longer and widowhood is being pushed into the 80s.

Even here the news is positive: the increasing proportion of 80-year-olds living alone is due to more of them staying out of nursing homes.

courtesy Sydney Morning Herald 11/1/10 www.loveonline.co.nz

Dial-a-parent: kids get mobile

ALEX MCCLINTOCK January 3, 2010

THEY'RE bright and cute but they're not toys. They're the next generation of mobile phones, coming soon to a five-year-old near you. Phones such as the Firefly and Teddyfone are targeted at very young children, with research showing that one in four seven- to 10-year-olds already owns a phone. The study, commissioned by Cartoon Network, also documents a 17 per cent rise in phone ownership for children since 2006.

Raechel Johns, a lecturer in marketing at the University of Canberra, said phone manufacturers had their eyes on an emerging market. ''Previously mum and dad would have said 'no way', but if they make it cute enough and enough like a toy they might say 'oh, all right', '' she said. Tim Pethick is the head of Gecko, the company that sells Firefly phones in Australia. The father of three girls - his seven- and eight-year-olds have phones - said: ''Parents are going to want to be able to get in touch with their kids and have their kids get in touch with them.''

Many of the phones, including the Firefly, have built-in controls that allow parents to restrict which numbers can be dialled or stop text messaging. The Kyocera Mamorino, released in Japan last October, includes a GPS tracker that parents can monitor. Kidsafe NSW executive officer Christine Erskine said: ''Controlled use to suit the needs of the family is realistic. It can be a useful back-up. But, to put things in perspective, at the age of 10 they are still recommended to have help crossing the road.''

Dr John Irvine, child psychologist and author of A Handbook for Happy Families, said young children did not need phones but demand was increasing. ''It's a snowball effect - the more kids that have it, the more have to have it,'' he said. ''The truth is the world has not got more dangerous, the risks to kids from stranger danger is no greater than it has been for many years. Are parents more protective? Yes.''

Scientific debate still rages over whether radiation from mobile phones causes brain cancer. The official view of the federally funded Australian Centre for Radio Frequency Bioeffects Research is that mobiles do not cause cancer. But Dr Vini Khurana, a prominent brain surgeon, disagrees. ''This danger has far broader public health ramifications than asbestos and smoking, and directly concerns all of us, particularly the younger generation, including very young children,'' he wrote in a paper, Mobile Phones and Brain Tumours. Sydney brain surgeon Dr Charles Teo said children's thinner skulls might be an additional risk factor. ''Whatever the cause, surely the fact that the phone is closer to the brain is disturbing,'' he said. www.loveonline.co.nz

courtesy Sydney Morning Herald 3/1/10 

Infidelity boosts marriage: psychologist December 31, 2009 

Comments 11

Consenting adulterers ... France's preeminent female psychologist says accepting male infidelity as natural can be liberating for women.

Wives should welcome their husbands' extramarital affairs as a sign of a healthy marriage, France's most prominent female psychologist has suggested. Maryse Vaillant claims French men should stop being castigated for being womanisers and that keeping a mistress can actually improve a marriage.

In Men, Love, Fidelity, a new book on the effects of infidelity on married life, Miss Vaillant writes that her aim is to "rehabilitate infidelity". According to figures cited in the book, an estimated 39 per cent of French men cheat on their wives at some stage. "[Most] don't do it because they no longer love them, on the contrary," she writes. "They simply need breathing space. For such men, who are in fact profoundly monogamous, infidelity is almost unavoidable."

Once French women accept that the "fidelity is not natural but cultural", and that infidelity is essential to the "psychic functioning" of certain men who are still very much in love, it can be a "very liberating" for women, she writes. One woman bound to disagree is Sylvie Brunel, who recently became the first ex-wife of a serving minister to write an expose on his alleged infidelity, and midlife crisis.

In her Guerrilla Handbook for Women, Miss Brunel, 49, claims Eric Besson, France's minister of immigration and national identity, was an insatiable cheat with "interchangeable mistresses". At their wedding in 1983, when the mayor began reciting the vows of "fidelity, aid and support", she says Mr Besson commented: "Fidelity, no." Miss Brunel, although "humiliated", convinced the shocked mayor it was a joke. But Mr Besson was, she claims, unfaithful for five years before their marriage and 25 years afterwards, adding: "I can't say I wasn't warned."

Mr Besson left his wife for a woman "almost as young as our eldest daughter" and who "oozed narcissism from every pore of her pretty skin", according to his ex-wife. Mr Besson described her book as "shameless". She hit back, saying: "What's shameless is the way you've treated me for 30 years."

Miss Vaillant insists in her book that fidelity is not proof of love. In fact, "pathological monogamists" in many cases lack the strength of mind to take a mistress, she suggests. "They are often men whose father was physically or morally absent. These men have a completely idealised view of their father and the paternal function," she writes. "They lack suppleness and are prisoners to an idealised image of a man of duty."

Several high-profile French politicians have been reported to have had mistresses. Valery Giscard d'Estaing's alleged love of women was given greater credence when his car collided with a milk truck at dawn during his presidency. The whole country assumed he had been returning from a tryst with a mistress - and his opinion poll ratings went up. The late Francois Mitterrand would spend most nights with his mistress, Anne Pingeot. The existence of their secret love child, Mazarine, was only disclosed after he died. Jacques Chirac recently admitted in a book: "There have been women I have loved a lot, as discreetly as possible".

Miss Vaillant was divorced 20 years ago but said she had since been in a "stable" and "faithful" relationship.

The Daily Telegraph  2/1/01                        www.loveonline.co.nz 

  Dealing with approach anxiety..from Sam Mcrohan @ Sparklife.info......www.loveonline.co.nz

 Baby boomer lament: too much information from generation Y